Dear Mom, you can talk about it now

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and discussing the increase of mental illnesses in teenagers is necessary. However, we must also acknowledge older generations and the effect of their mental health on our generation. 

A cycle has long existed, but little has been done to break it until recent years. Grandparents who ignored their trauma led to our parents struggling, and here we are, with the impact of both. 

It gets passed on, shifting each generation, but harming nonetheless. 

I remember watching my mom’s interactions with her parents when I was little. There was love, but there was dread, too. Avoiding family dinners with my grandparents was impossible, but I noticed how quickly my mom rushed us out after each meal ended. I don’t blame her.

My grandmother is a lovely person, but she grew up in the ‘50s. She became a teacher, then a mother and housewife. 

I don’t judge her decisions, but her generation’s lack of adjustment into 2023 was hard to ignore. At family dinners, when we tip-toe around politics, when my grandfather forgets that I am no longer an opinionless child, when we discuss their trips to Mexico while climate change is ruining our world—my grandmother sits and nods. 

She agrees with my grandfather, never speaking out for herself. It was how she was raised, the life she has led. 

My grandfather had a very traumatic childhood and very little support. He is quite distant and never discussed any of these moments with anyone. The way he handled this trauma and the mental effects, or the lack of handling any of it, is evident in who he is and how he raised my mother and uncle.

While grandparents can be constantly criticized for their outdated opinions or lack of relevancy, how can we sit there and judge if we are doing nothing to encourage change?

These conversations have been ignored for long enough. Pushed away because someone “will never change.” Discussing therapy, depression or anxiety are deemed taboo subjects and greatly stigmatized in older generations. 

But if a conversation asking, “Have you tried therapy?” or “What do you really think?” never occurs, then how do we know whether someone can change or not? 

They may be stuck in their ways, but if no one tries to push them to change, then they’ll stay there. A stick in the mud will always be a stick in the mud if nobody bothers to pick it up. 

It’s hard to look the older generation in the eye and know the effects their choices have on you. But sometimes we have to do hard things.

My mother grew up in a silent home. White carpets, silent dinners, no pets but a hermit crab. 

I grew up in a house bursting with love, dogs, pictures on the walls and warmth everywhere. Memories in the dent on the wall, in the broken spines of books spread across our family room. 

While my mom actively worked to change herself so she did not mirror her parents, it was impossible not to be impacted by her childhood.

I have anxiety. This was not caused by any actions of my parents. However, both sides of the family do have a history of anxiety and depression, making me more prone to it.

 I go to therapy for my anxiety. I don’t know if any older relatives on my maternal side have ever gone to therapy for their mental health.

Our generation is working towards destigmatizing mental health. So many of us are going to see therapists, psychologists and specialists to handle our mental illnesses—some of which were directly caused by parental decisions. 

It’s good that therapy is becoming normalized and isn’t something pushed away, “hush hushed” at. But while it’s normal for teenagers or college students to go to therapy–how often do parents go? Or even grandparents?
Therapy should be acceptable for all ages, and we should encourage older generations to heal the wounds the past created. 

If our generation wants to force “taboo” topics to the center of attention, then we must not push aside the older generation’s silent trauma  that can be addressed if they knew it was okay for them to get help, too.

So often, people don’t realize how hard it is to ask for help, but if someone is there to hold their hand, breach the gap of decades, then maybe change will come easier; one word at a time.